Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in sentient_entity's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Thursday, May 27th, 2010
10:08 am	Originally composed on a paper towel. Two years ago I said "goodnight," not thinking it was goodbye. I struggled, I fought the fight - Every damn day I try To live the way you wanted, be the best version of myself. Through it all I felt so haunted, by words unspoken on a shelf. I loved you then and love you still. In my heart I never wavered, Never heard their words so shrill. It's your voice I always favored A low whisper in my ear - I thought I was going mad - "I am not gone, I'm still here." But before long I found I had Begun to think you were gone. My thoughts settled in past tense New ideas began to dawn, things grew hazy, my mind dense: Perhaps you wanted to forget, and I ought not remember - - or better learn to regret - what ended one November. I then grew falsely stoic, learnt to play a different part: "Loyalty's not so heroic; "I'll never let that in my heart." Today that fell all away, when I saw you in the store. I found no words to say, but wept and cried and sobbed more Revisiting every tear. Never again seeing you Had been my deepest fear.  Yet knowing that it isn't true Seeing you I could scarce believe hat you were so much the same But I let you see me grieve, As if I had no shame. Now I know it's finished. The nightmare is long ended. The sorrow's not diminished If you're a dream pretended (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 4th, 2010
5:20 pm	A favorite quote from a favorite character from a favorite book made into a favorite film "I do not attempt to deny," said she, "that I think very highly of him--that I greatly esteem, that I like him." Elinor Dashwood. <i>Sense and Sensibility</i> (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 10th, 2009
2:25 pm	I don't want to go to work. I want to sit on my sofa, watch late night television and cut things out of fashion magazines. *sigh* (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 9th, 2009
11:35 pm	How are you? "Actually, I'm not doing so well... ... how are you?" ... ... um... .. I'm... pretty great? :-/ (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
8:48 am	I love eBay. Because the principle of having something BRAND NEW isn't worth a hundred dollars+. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
8:34 pm	"I think you're fantastic." The act of admiration revitalizes me. There is nothing that makes me happier or more alive than feeling respect and admiration for another person. It gives me a charge to think that people can be remarkable enough to esteem. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 26th, 2009
12:31 pm	I miss you like a train. Another one of those rainy cold Staunton days when it is difficult not to hear echos of a thousand familiar voices I will never hear again. (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 6th, 2009
12:02 am	I have an amazing, transcendent, dull, average life. And some days I get to enjoy every second of it. (Comment on this)
Monday, August 24th, 2009
6:53 pm	Anyone who would like to join me is welcome. I'm going to work on reading the Bible, the whole thing, in about a year. I think it would be really groovy if people joined in and maybe we could have online chats about what we're reading. Or even not chat about it, but just read together. The plan I'm following is here: http://www.oneyearbibleonline.com/ (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 3rd, 2009
10:44 pm	I'm not a proud woman. Which is why I can admit that about ten seconds after the credits began to roll on the last episode of Dr. Who season four, I started crying. Not a weep, but a c-r-y. Significantly worse than the crying that accompanied the end of season two. There's a television show that knows how to rip your heart to shreds. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 26th, 2009
1:00 pm	Emphasis added. "A key question is whether, and when, Gates showed his ID that showed he lived at the address. But since Gates was not charged with breaking and entering or trespassing, it seems reasonable to conclude that by the time the arrest was made, the police were assured he lived there; the police report indicates the confirmation of Gates' residence occurred fairly early in the encounter. Being obnoxious, hostile, insulting, disrespectful, etc. to a cop is stupid, unwise, antisocial, etc. I discourage it, I disapprove of it, I think less of those who behave that way. But I am not so certain that yelling at cops is ipso facto a crime. With the charges dropped, we have to wonder just how disorderly his conduct was; keep in mind that if convicted, Gates could have faced up to six months in jail." Jim Gerghaty at National Review Online. http://campaignspot.nationalreview.com/post/?q=NDc4Y2Q2NzExNDkzNjVkYjQ2ZmVlOGI0Y2NhNDY5NjE= I agree. I respect the police for the difficult, often dangerous work that they do to keep us safe. However, last I checked that was in fact an elective decision, "career path" that does automatically confer moral/societal superiority. That's what has bugged me about this incident. (Comment on this)
Monday, July 20th, 2009
9:28 pm	Tough shit. "http://www.weeklystandard.com/weblogs/TWSFP/2009/07/obamacare_would_require_public_1.asp" That article is about how Obama's healthcare plan may full well require public and private providers to cover "elective" abortions. First of all, an abortion - "elective" or not - is not elective in the same way that having your lower ribs removed, so let's not be do the political positioning thing with this "elective" word. Second: some people will not like the idea of "my tax dollars" funding Shaquinta's eighth abortion. (And let's face it. It's always "Shaquinta" and "eighth". It's never an overwrought thirty five year old mother of four, a woman in an abusive situation, or a woman who's birth control failed but still isn't ready to be pregnant.) Here's the thing. Your taxes pay for a lot of stuff. Department of Defense, Education, Transportation - buying the balloons for big patriotic celebrations. By the time it gets down to that abortion, you are talking about your eighth of a penny in taxes. At that rate, you can just imagine that that eighth went to blowing something up. By the way, I often don't always support the blowing of things up, standardized testing, don't ask don't tell - actually, there are a lot of government programs that I would like to withhold my eighth of a cent from but unfortunately for me and my principled objections that is not an option. Paying taxes does not make you a shareholder in the U.S. government. You don't get to make the decisions, sit in on the board meetings, or get dialed in on the conference calls - this is the one sector of our society that is not in the strictest sense consumer driven. Your vote is your sole stock, and maybe you can throw enough money around to pick the candidates. Otherwise? Tough shit. *steps off soapbox* (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 18th, 2009
6:26 pm	Just quit making stuff that makes people sick. I don't know why I do this to myself. I watch the movie The Corporation, read books like The Omnivore's Dilemma and now I'm watching a movie you can see for free on Hulu called The Future of Food and for real? This stuff freaks me the fuck out. Like, "building a greenhouse, buying me some heirloom tomato plants and eating nothing that I haven't nursed up from a seedling for the rest of my life... getting my own dairy cow and learning how to milk her. I'll name her Hetty. She can stay in my apartment. One of the continuing themes in discussing food safety and the evolution of our diet is that corporations that put weird shit in food 1) don't like to talk about it and 2) are really resistant to the idea of taking it out. And it occurs to me: "JUST STOP PUTTING WEIRD SHIT IN FOOD AND WE'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE." We are a fat people. Whether you're selling frankenfood or normal food we will eat it. LOTS of it. Just come clean. "We feel weird about this and so we're going to start selling apples that are just apples. Not Apple-Potato apples. It turns out we're going to have to charge you more, but - that's the way it is." Surely that would be a good enough racket? (Comment on this)
5:02 pm	I just want to go on record: I have known Pat Buchanan for racist, anti-Semitic asshole for a long time. He and his people are the kind of douches that make actual conservatives cringe and he has OUTED himself for the bigot that he is in the past few weeks discussing his opinions of the Sonia Sotomayor hearings. I have wondered why MSNBC has continued to keep him on as a commentator given the tone of his writings and ideology and am now more flummoxed than ever. "Racist" isn't a word I throw at respected political commentators, but then I haven't respected Pat Buchanan for a long time. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 14th, 2009
10:41 am	History repeats itself? 1) I don't care if the CIA was developing a plan to assassinate Al-Qaeda leaders in "allied" countries without informing said countries' governments, "Munich"-style. In fact? Probably would've been a good idea. Some of our "allies" are, uh, "crap" when it comes to apprehending/holding/dealing with people we need apprehended/held/dealt with. (See Qatar, Yemen, Bahrain, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, etc. for a start). 2) I wouldn't be surprised if the story is "we thought about developing a plan, but it didn't get real far." Because that's exactly what happened in the 90s with plans to assassinate Osama bin Laden. Plans + opportunity - timely approval = Although the Clinton administration had many opportunities to potentially wipe out bin Laden and other senior Al-Qaeda operatives, they didn't. In a way, you can't blame the Clinton people then, or whoever let this assassination plan die, because in both instances there is of course a high probability of collateral damage and/or an international incident. Bombing the bin Laden camps after the Tanzania/Kenya bombing however, could, conceivably, have saved the lives of 3000 Americans who went to work on September 11th. Those lives to me are worth many, many many Saudi princes - including any that were hunting with bin Laden when the CIA had the opportunity in the late 90s to bomb bin Laden's camps. Hindsight is always 20/20. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 9th, 2009
10:33 am	More geopolitical stuff. Everyone has been making a big fuss over Joe Biden "saying Israel can bomb Iran." Or whatever. Which isn't what he said... ""Look, Israel can determine for itself — it's a sovereign nation — what's in their interest and what they decide to do relative to Iran and anyone else," Biden replied. He added that this was the case, "whether we agree or not" with the Israeli view." Said it on that awful show with George Stephanopolous. Um... duh? I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what it is he said that was so Bidenesque in it's gaffability to no actual avail. ("Well.. the Israelis are a sovereign people... they don't need our permission for... anything.") And besides! The Israelis go bonzai-commando hyperbolically all the time. I don't think they checked with us about bombing that reactor in Syria a couple years back, and I think if we'd said, "no" they probably would've said, "uh, guys? that was a heads up. We're going in," because when the Israelis have security concerns they tend to be much graver. Not everyone has a whole continent and an ocean. So I finally saw something smart, you can read it here. Stephan Walt, writing in his blog. Brilliant guy even if he did cowrite that Israel Lobby book that said nothing and just pissed people off. Yeesh. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 27th, 2009
12:42 pm	Food Meme. Here’s what I want you to do: 1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions. 2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten. 3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating. 4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results. The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred: 1. Venison 2. Nettle tea 3. Huevos rancheros 4. Steak tartare 5. Crocodile 6. Black pudding 7. Cheese fondue 8. Carp 9. Borscht 10. Baba ghanoush 11. Calamari 12. Pho 13. PB&J sandwich 14. Aloo gobi 15. Hot dog from a street cart 16. Epoisses 17. Black truffle 18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes 19. Steamed pork buns 20. Pistachio ice cream 21. Heirloom tomatoes 22. Fresh wild berries 23. Foie gras 24. Rice and beans 25. Brawn, or head cheese 26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper 27. Dulce de leche 28. Oysters 29. Baklava 30. Bagna cauda 31. Wasabi peas 32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl 33. Salted lassi 34. Sauerkraut 35. Root beer float 36. Cognac with a fat cigar 37. Clotted cream tea 38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O 39. Gumbo 40. Oxtail 41. Curried goat 42. Whole insects 43. Phaal 44. Goat’s milk 45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more 46. Fugu 47. Chicken tikka masala 48. Eel 49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut 50. Sea urchin 51. Prickly pear 52. Umeboshi 53. Abalone 54. Paneer 55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal 56. Spaetzle 57. Dirty gin martini 58. Beer above 8% ABV 59. Poutine 60. Carob chips 61. S’mores 62. Sweetbreads 63. Kaolin 64. Currywurst 65. Durian 66. Frogs’ legs 67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake 68. Haggis 69. Fried plantain 70. Chitterlings, or andouillette 71. Gazpacho 72. Caviar and blini 73. Louche absinthe 74. Gjetost, or brunost 75. Roadkill 76. Baijiu 77. Hostess Fruit Pie 78. Snail 79. Lapsang souchong 80. Bellini 81. Tom yum 82. Eggs Benedict 83. Pocky 84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant. 85. Kobe beef 86. Hare 87. Goulash 88. Flowers 89. Horse 90. Criollo chocolate 91. Spam 92. Soft shell crab 93. Rose harissa 94. Catfish 95. Mole poblano 96. Bagel and lox 97. Lobster Thermidor 98. Polenta 99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee 100. Snake (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
2:15 pm	I am such a horrible person. This morning, my mother and I invented a cousin in West Virginia who got into a car accident so I don't have to go to work. My office is being ridiculously nice about my dead cousin and on the one hand I feel a little bad. On the other, I'm almost too relieved about not having to go to work to really, you know. Hate myself about inventing a cousin and promptly putting her in peril. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 24th, 2009
2:37 pm	Fictional. I've dug up some of my old fiction and I really should write more. At least try and finish one of the two things that I have going which I'm ACTUALLY - quite proud of. I don't show my writing to many people but I like my characters and my concepts but sometimes I have a hard time figuring out where they're going. Among other things it I often feel like a story has to have a moral ending or a neat ending which of course, most stories don't. Hm. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
7:48 pm	No greater thrill That writing the successful, all important "thesis statement." "In 1820 in a letter on the question of slavery, Thomas Jefferson said, “But as it is, we have the wolf by the ear, and we can neither hold him nor safely let him go. Justice is in one scale, and self-preservation in the other.” The ruling class of Saudi Arabia holds a wolf of their own, Islamic extremism. As the United States was founded on liberty and freedom, the state of Saudi Arabia appeared on the map in [DATE NEEDED] brought into existence by a powerful combination of religious extremism and tribal violence. These elements remain in Saudi society today and endager both the Saudi state and the world." I'm practically tingling with excitement! (For REALs.) (Comment on this)